I’m compiling lists of music on YouTube because I’d like to listen straight through while doing things and not stop to switch the video. The reason behind that though, is that I want to use the music as a tool for feeling. Music is one thing that will really get in deep, chip away until the tears come. It causes flash backs while bringing up feelings that I know I need to feel.
I’ve been numb too long. I’ve avoided all the shit I need to peel away and shed.
I was a teen in the 80s so I’m choosing a lot of that music, at least right now. I like a lot of other music too, and although other music brings up emotions too of other things, it’s the memories of the 80’s I’m after in that list.
One video I specifically looked up is “Kids in America” by Kim Wilde because I was a kid (at 15/16) when the song was released and it was being played on every pop station, probably around the nation.
The song “Kids in America” takes me back to my teen years, in good ways as much as sad. But while watching the video and looking at the singer’s face, I was taken back to when I was 19. I think it’s because she was close to that age in the video. I was more than a year out of high school and going nowhere. And I continued to go nowhere all the way up to this day.
I looked at Kim Wilde’s face and compared myself to her. How she was doing something, creating something, putting something out there to be remembered. And at that age I wasn’t even driving myself to the job I hated. I was walking several blocks to meet my ride. I was smoking pot at every opportunity, including sometimes on that ride to work. I was living day to day to find some sort of escape from the depression that had taken such a tight hold by then and continues to this day.
It saddens me so much the potential lost as a result of no guidance in direction by the adults in my life at that time.
The most relatable line for me sadly:
“You know life is cruel, life is never kind.”