After I had a somewhat decent cry after writing yesterday’s post, I decided I needed to DO something. Usually it would’ve been some exercise but I had something I wanted to get done. So that’s what I did.
I decluttered and straightened up my bedroom. And also dusted as I went.
I thought the house we lived in before was dusty. But I’ve never seen dust like it gets in this place. Vents I’m sure are the culprit along with being on a main drag. It’s only 2 lane (as opposed to 4) but still the traffic gets pretty heavy out front, especially during the afternoon/evening ‘rush’ time.
Anywho…I have been wanting to clean up and even pack some shit away for quite some time but depression (I’m guessing) and lack of energy, has stopped me from caring. Yesterday after thinking about how trapped I’ve been and felt throughout my entire life, I felt like the immediate answer was to do a few things.
One big thing was to pack stuff away in boxes like I would if I were moving. And since that’s what I want to be able to do so much, I did just that.
I didn’t pack everything. I kept things out that I will use and need. Some things I packed in boxes and then stored them in my bedroom on the shelves I have in here. I used boxes that tuck neatly into the cubbies that are part of the Ikea shelving B is letting me use.
I took one book case out and packed a bunch of books away. I left one small book case and put the books I kept out on the shelves neatly.
I downsized a big smiley face mug I had been using for pens and pencils. It was a mug that an old friend had given me. I like it but she and I don’t talk anymore and so I felt the need to dispose of it. It’s still in the living room along with my other (bigger) book case. I won’t just throw it away but it’s just that there’s some stuff I need to part with because I think it might be time to move on from certain things.
Some of the other things, things I packed away, I put in boxes for that same kind of reason. Things that symbolize my mother or father, gifts they gave, or in a couple of instance, two things…one I gave my father and one I gave my mother, both of which I now have. Things that came from other family as well. As I wrapped and packed things, I was aware of how a quick, emotional decision would make me just take everything to Goodwill.
With how I was feeling yesterday, it could’ve happened. But since I was aware that that would’ve been an all emotional decision with no reason involved at all, I knew what I was doing was the right thing.
So everything I packed is now in the dining room against a shelving unit we have in there. What’s on the shelves isn’t really accessed so it’s fine there. B asked if I wanted the boxes to go down to the basement, but I said no. I don’t want to put more work into it than is necessary. And he’s got enough stuff down there already. I think I’m down to one box in the basement that’s mine, containing some Mason jars. I have stuff in the garage, but that stuff can stay there for now as well.
This also feels good in the aspect that I’ve begun packing for a move if and when that happens. I’ve gotten a big chunk of the packing out of the way and since it’s all in the dining room I still have access to it if I should need something or decide to read a book in one of the boxes or something.
As I packed things, I also dusted, filed and straightened up. So I feel like I accomplished something. But I also feel like I have room to think, room to do other things I’ve been putting off and room to breathe.
I think it was also important to do this to help me feel like I’m moving forward, like I’m being proactive in a possible move even if that is months or a year away. My body and psyche needed to feel like it had some semblance of control over something. We have been here for a year but I don’t and have not been able to feel settled or at home here.
But as far as my bedroom is concerned, besides needing more pictures on the walls (which I likely won’t bother with for the reasons above) it looks really nice in here.