At the in-between, just before complete sleep, sometimes I am visited by a shadow. It comes after me. It wraps itself around me, smothering and engulfing me. It doesn’t want me to get away. It scares me. I want out of its grip.
I fight to wake myself up as I know it’s the only way to escape. But it’s like I’m trapped, sort of. And it feels like attempting to get to the surface from a very dark depth of an ocean. Ocean of fear.
I try to scream and yell knowing the noise from my own voice will awaken me, but no sound comes. And I push to hear myself again.
There are times I’ve actually been able to get the sound out and as it escapes my lips, I awaken, beating heart in my chest. Other times, I have to continue the fight to open my eyelids, feeling desperate to get away from the ‘demon’ yet my body wants to continue its slumber.
It’s a battle between mind and body. And when mind wins out and I pull myself out, my heart beat is intense against my chest while simultaneously, there is a sense of relief.
Another small battle ensues as my mind is frightened but my body pulls me back to sleep.