Intuition Can Be Tricky in Trauma Survivors

Sometime ago I wrote about a strange and bad feeling I had “after the fact” about a client of the company I work for.  I admit,  it’s a really good point that my imagination may have been running wild about that person…although I’m still not completely convinced that it was nothing.

I’m hoping that since the guy is a lawyer in the city of the burbs we live in, that he has other more important things to do than what my imagination was picturing from some bad news dude. (Yes I did a bit of research on the guy before I stepped foot again on his property.)

Of course I’m not stupid enough to believe that just because he holds a prestigious position, that it keeps him from the possibility of being some psychopath. I also know that my boss is a stickler about calling her when I’m finished my route and I also know that if I don’t she will be looking for me. And if it’s the day I’m scheduled to clean this guy’s yard, she’s well informed of those feelings I conveyed here in a post.

I know it may not save me, but it’s a tiny comfort.

So now that that’s out of the way, I want to say that I do think that even if the bad vibe isn’t felt initially, it doesn’t mean that it’s meaningless if it occurs to you later that something could be off.

Sometimes, especially in those who were well trained in childhood (like me) to doubt themselves, things could be a bit delayed.

Today, while I was cleaning another client’s yard, the house manager (yeah the home owners are rich beyond belief) came out and asked if I knew of any pet sitters. I told her that I’m a pet sitter and that it’s actually my background. All true.

She seemed thrilled and said, “OK let’s exchange phone numbers.”

Since I’d left my cell in my car, she went in to get paper and pen. Before coming back out she began talking to someone else, apparently someone who was doing some work inside the house.

And I stood outside and waited. I began to get impatient because I needed to get going. I was on the clock for the company I work for. But this woman just kept jabber-jawing. I understand she had other things to tend to, but these people were working in the house. They were going to still be there long after she handed off her phone number to me and I was on my way. I heard her talking to them, and what she was saying was not anything of dire importance that couldn’t wait. One thing I heard her say was, “You do what you gotta do and we’ll stay outta your way.”

So I was standing there getting a bit antsy, until finally she came out and gave me her number and we made plans that I would call her this afternoon.

So I did.

And when I did she asked if she could call me back later.

I said, “Sure, do you have an approximate time?” I asked this because I wanted to be sure I would be available. I had things to do and wouldn’t be sitting by my phone waiting for a call back.

Her response was in a rather snitty tone, “I don’t know but I have a plumber on the other line and must get back to him. I will call you later.” And then in a sing-song tone, she said, “Thenks” and hung up.

Edit Friday 9/15/17: Fucking. Bitch. I knew when she had taken no consideration of my time, that she would be an asshole when I called. I just knew it. But I stood there and waited any fucking way. Stupid me, still taking crap from someone who had no regard for me.

When this woman first came out to ask about pet sitters I thought she was nice enough. She was polite when she asked about it and was even excited when I told her that I’m a pet sitter.

I even thought that maybe I was being a bit sensitive when I thought her disrespectful of my time, while I stood outside waiting as she small-talked the men inside the house.

FACEPALM. Duh…of course not. I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet she was just being a cunt for the sake of having this power to ‘make me wait.’

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. After all she is a house manager and has quite a bit going on.

But then when she acted like a rude asshole on the phone, there was no doubt.

Apparently the dog shit scooper turned pet sitter’s time doesn’t rank in this woman’s eyes.

This time I had the correct vibe. I just ignored it.

 

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Taking Not Asking Permission

Terminate the ToxicPeople use the word ‘SELFISH’ like it’s a bad thing. I used to hear it a lot while being guilted, shamed and manipulated into saying yes when I really wanted to say no.

Drawing boundaries is not a bad thing. And saying no is a complete sentence.

The word “selfish” is used in place of the word “self-centered” much of the time. Self-centered is probably the extreme on the ‘SELFISH’ continuum, in thinking the world revolves around one’s self. But being self-ish is a form of caring for yourself, protecting yourself and looking out for yourself. Drawing boundaries is not being self-centered.

We need some selfishness to be able to draw healthy boundaries and let people know what’s not OK and what we won’t do. There is nothing wrong with looking out for your-self. And in some cases you might be the only one who does, so step up for your-self. I’m learning how to do this now and what it really means.

It might only be in the form of ignoring some sort of attempt at contact, but your silence sends a strong message. There are times when words are not necessary to convey a message. Of course confrontation can be a healthy thing but that’s a whole other topic. At times it’s not a good idea to confront, especially if you’ve attempted to discuss and resolve repeatedly and the other party doesn’t get it. At some point, it doesn’t make sense to continue trying to make someone understand.

Don’t let manipulation sway you either. Healthy discussions are good and changing your mind is OK too. But this is where it’s important to really learn how YOU feel. Ask yourself, “Are you changing your answer from yes to no or no to yes because you want someone to keep liking you and approving of you? Or “Is it a genuine feeling within that is coming from authenticity?

Watch for the feeling of resentment. That could be a clue to what you really want to say and do.

Only you will know though, so get to know your intuition. You have your own answers.