Well, This Isn’t Working Well At All

I am a sensitive soul. I’m not only sensitive emotionally but I am also sensitive physically.

I remember when I first started smoking pot at a very young age. One night I went with a group of friends to the popular roller skating rink in the area. Before going in, we went to the back of the building, where there was a small woodsy area, to smoke a joint. One of my friends’ brother had given her a fatty, for us to share that night.

After we’d indulged, standing in our tight little circle, my head swam and I thought that everyone else had the same thing going on inside their head too.

The next day, the one friend that I hung out with on a daily basis told me things I’d done that I had not remembered doing. One of them included being rather mean to a boy who’d asked me to skate during couple skate.

I was still quite high by the time my mother picked us up that night and when I asked everyone else if they were too, before she got there, they all told me that they’d come down a while ago.

That’s just one example, and because of my sensitivity I didn’t smoke pot a whole lot as a teen, like so many other kids I knew.  I took a bus with kids in high school that would smoke a bowl or a joint at the back of the bus and then go through their classes for the day. I already knew at that point in my life, that if I’d done that, I’d be asleep before homeroom and wouldn’t remember a thing the teacher said in my first class.

Fast forward to present day and more than a month ago, I wrote about going back to kratom.  Well, as I’d expected, I have met the piper that I usually have to pay on the other side of trying to medicate the effects of my trauma.

It is a subtle feeling within, after taking it for this short amount of time, but it’s an explosive effect on the outside.

Seems that it has upped the rage in instances where I am triggered anyway. But the reactions to the trigger are much more intense.

I thought that I was just randomly getting worse. Thinking DBT isn’t working and had a strong urge to quit yesterday. But then I remembered…kratom. Not that I forgot that I was taking it. But that it could have such an effect on me had gotten past me again.

In the first week or two, it was great. Something that would normally piss me off, I could let it roll off my back…just like I used to. Not anything abusive, just some things that are a bit irritating or annoying that most people can simply let go and move on with their day.

For a while that was me again. But now, I guess it’s the accumulation in that part of the brain that is causing the opposite effect, and not only am I back to what was going on before, but it’s making my raging reactions worse.

So off of kratom I go, at least on an everyday basis. I could probably get away with it after it clears out and only then as a once in a while thing, like say on a really heavy depression day.  But as a daily thing, it does more harm than good for me.

That being said, this is not an anti-kratom post. Everyone is different and not everything is for everyone. So please don’t take this as me demonizing kratom.   I know and understand that it has helped many and continues to do so. There are positive things about it.  But there are indications to it and I think that’s important to understand and know.

As someone with Complex PTSD, it does have some indications that it COULD be a problem for me and I’m finding that to be true.

I found this link a couple days ago. My query was if a side effect of kratom could be anger.

There are more unpleasant side effects listed that some people could experience.