Geez. I haven’t posted in three days so I thought I’d better do that, if only for my own peace of mind because progress in writing isn’t going all that well. I have intentions and plans but no results as of yet.
Probably fear and my old/new friend “Scattered”, but a lot of it is being the irresponsible kid. “I don’t wanna.” I’m not one to say, “Just get over it.” But that is one thing I do gotta get over. Being an adult I really do need to bite the bullet as they say and ‘just do it.’ Am I allowed to use Nike’s slogan?
So anyway, as I said, no progress in gathering notes. I feel like I’m trying to achieve some sort of momentum or traction. Like I have some invisible ducks to put in a row before I actually start to write or even gather my notes. The notes need to be gathered, though, that’s a definite.
Right now I’m listening to a not so far off jack hammer in action and I’m thinking, “There’s something I won’t miss.”
Not that I hear jack hammers everyday, but lately there is a lot of road construction around here. I think it’s the electric company laying new stuff under the streets. My town has been full of closed roads this summer and most of those roads are narrow, neighborhood and what you’d call back roads. The roads I use, so I can stay off the main ones.
In fact before I started writing, I walked into the room where my computer is and my kitty in a rare occurrence sleeping in the windowsill. And I could smell diesel. My first thought: “I won’t miss that.”
We are close to a fairly main road that is used for coming out of the city as well as coming off of a highway a few miles up from us.
I remember as a kid how I’d feel sick to my stomach when one of my parents stopped for gas. The smell made my stomach gurgle, as it did during the morning ride to school and later to work when we/I got stuck riding/driving behind something that used diesel fuel.
Luckily, even though I sometimes smell it in the mornings, it’s not as bad as being behind a vehicle that is expelling the waste of diesel out of the tailpipes. Closing the windows helps, but it sucks to have to do that on nice days like today. It’s overcast, but the temp. is perfect. I love the fall.
But that jack hammer is going to probably give me a headache. So…
As I’m writing it’s occurred to me to write a list of…well two lists. Since we’re moving, I want to do a list of what I’ll miss and then a list of what I won’t miss. I’ll do that in post form here. I think it will do me good too.
In the way of writing and blogging, I quickly went through some things I’ve written in the past, other than the things pertaining to abuse. I have a few different niches and I’m looking at this as a way to organize. That way it isn’t so overwhelming. The progress is a list of each topic/niche and a summary. I also have photos I’d like to post as well, maybe do something like a Wordless Wednesday blog with the pictures of my cat and the other cats around here. That’s a subject to make me laugh and smile, something I really need more right now to balance out this sadness and grief.
My back is feeling much better, in fact the pain is gone completely. So it must have been muscle and not my ribs. Thankfully.
I did some floor exercises on Saturday, mostly ones I learned in PT for a herniated disc. Despite the heart palps, I need to find a way to exercise in this way because the herniation still causes some pain, especially if I sit for long periods of time. I’m surprised it wasn’t effected more after lifting that heavy bin.
No cardio but I still got heart palps that night. Also, I notice they start at night, which brings me to my sleeping pattern progress. It’s not going so well.
The other thing I’m questioning as far as the heart palps and I think I mentioned it in the last post about this, is the concentrated dietary oils. I in fact had a salad with a dressing made with olive and sesame oils on Saturday as well, and I actually felt the palps starting shortly after I ate that salad.
My eating habits as far as the food itself goes is pretty good. No junk and no take out. It appears though that I’m going to have to really observe my reactions (not something new) to different foods even though they may be deemed healthy by the masses. They may not be right for me. I’m struggling with the timing of the meals though because I’m not getting up according to circadian rhythm. And that’s because I’m not going to bed according to it either. This frustrates me but I also know this is a choice on my part.
This isn’t my own progress but Mr. B got a lot done in the garage this weekend. I think he got some momentum going by Sunday (yesterday) and we’ve now got some pretty interesting things sitting in our living room. The plan is for him to be out there on the weekends up until the weekend before Halloween to go through everything (or as much as he can) out there and decide what he wants to sell, clean it up and bring it around front and into the living room. That way, we’re not hauling everything around the night before and the morning of our yard sale.
Right now we’ve got a nice pile going in a corner of our living room of some pretty interesting stuff. We needed to move a floor lamp and a chair into the dining room for more room.
One other thing that I got was the refinishing of a black board frame I’ve had since the 70s. I used it to draw on and play school with it. It had a couple rock band names written on the frame in magic marker. I sanded the whole frame down and then painted it with a stain that had a glossy finish ‘built into’ it.
It’s getting listed on craigslist before attempting to sell it in the yard sale. I have a couple other big things for craigslist as well.
I have a ‘To Do’ list to get through today of a few items. I had a checklist of three yesterday and did them all. So pat on the back from me to me. 🙂
As for my writing and doing all the other things I want to do, I think one part of the solution is to stop spending so much time reading, and get myself writing, posting, taking pics, organizing, packing, etc.
And work on that circadian thing.
And just to add, I’m not against reading. I love reading. I have learned a lot from reading. I am learning a lot from reading. I’m not going to completely stop reading. But I spend whole days reading sometimes and that’s what I’m talking about when I say I need to stop reading so much.
Update: Friday, June 2, 2017
Quoting part of the above post:
“As I’m writing it’s occurred to me to write a list of…well two lists. Since we’re moving, I want to do a list of what I’ll miss and then a list of what I won’t miss. I’ll do that in post form here. I think it will do me good too.”
I never did this. I really want to stop announcing things I want, intend or plan to do because I then don’t. Not that I’ll do it if I don’t announce it but at least I won’t be making empty promises to myself or others. It’s not like I’m thinking people are reading and holding me to everything I say or even remembering. It’s something that is important to me though, for self improvement purposes.
About the black board: It sold at the yard sale. I got some interest in it on CL but that prospect fell through. Tbh: I wish I’d kept it, especially after refinishing the frame. That thing was no joke either. Heavy and great quality.
Reading through this again, I see how little progress I’ve made in the last couple years and it’s depressing. I never followed through on getting any book together or finished with sorting through all posts.
It’s basically the story of my life. I plan and I plan to plan and then never implement the plan. Time to stop talking about what I’m going to do and just do it…or not.
I want mention though that I did sort through posts yesterday and pulled out the ones pertaining to the guy I had an affair with from 2009 until 2012. A lot of emotions there and some cringe worthy stuff. I feel so pathetic about some of the shit I wrote and expressed. My intention was to purge them onto their own blog but that remains to be seen at this point. If I do that, comments will be disabled.