Diary Card is a Trigger: Having an Emotional Flashback (or Five)

I’m not in a good place right now. I’m having an emotional flashback about this stupid diary card. I feel like a little fucken kid right now as a result and really sensitive.

I remember as a kid in school I would be feeling vulnerable for something like not doing my homework (just as an example) and this would make me afraid, especially when it came to certain teachers. Specifically my first grade nun was abusive when I didn’t get the homework done or even do it right.

So if I was already vulnerable I would be sensitive to just about anything adverse so I would cry easily.

Once I’d forgotten my homework in 7th or 8th grade and (guessing because memory) called my mother and asked her to bring it up to me. She did and when she got there, I saw her at the door of the classroom.

I shot up out of my desk, both embarrassed and relieved to see her there. When I got to the door, I nudged her into the hallway and the tears just flowed.

One year, just being back after the summer, the teacher gave the assignment to write out the multiplication tables. We were only supposed to got to 12 on each number but I kept going, not remembering this from the previous year. And I felt so overwhelmed and don’t even remember now how far I went with each one. It must’ve taken me hours that night to finish that assignment.

I didn’t go to my parents, because I didn’t know if my mom would send me to my father. He was the last one I needed or wanted helping me.

Now for some reason this diary card is sending me back to that assignment and just endlessly writing the times tables and then finding out when I got back to school the next day that I made it even difficult than I had to because I didn’t remember from the previous year, what to do.

So I’m sitting here in tears and I guess I’m supposed to record this shit in that itty bitty box with no fucking room!

DBT Diary Card-Help?

My new DBT therapist gave me my first diary card yesterday and already I’m a little confused.

I have not started group yet as there is not an opening for another month. This is OK with me as I have started individual and gives me time to acclimate and prepare myself to be part of any sort of group.

I tried googling to see if I could find a sample of someone having filled one out but I’m not finding the type that I have. In addition, my therapist only instructed me to start the top part, not worrying about the ‘Skill’ portion yet.  This is also good for me as I would be overwhelmed with too much right away.  My brain just can’t handle too much at once at this time.

The diary card, at the top going across, lists: Joy – Fear – Sad – Anger – Shame
And then I’m supposed to rate each one, each day, from 0-10.
There is also an extra block for another emotion. But I have like three other emotions I feel frequently.

So my questions:
1 How do I accommodate in those little boxes for the emotions I feel more than once a day? It seems that there is only room for one number, which seems to me like I’m only supposed to count one time. But I can feel each emotion many times a day. Right now I’m squeezing numbers in, but this could get sloppy on the paper and impossible to read if say I feel anger or sadness ten times in a day.

2 For the three other emotions I’m accounting for in one block, what should I do for this? I am thinking I could just do some of this on a separate piece of paper. I’m already seeing I’m going to need to do that for the notes anyway. I like to write out what the reason is for the emotion, because remembering why is helpful with dealing with the emotion as well.

Suggestions and help is welcome.