If you’ve read a good portion of this blog, you know I don’t talk to any of my immediate family…mother, sister, brother. And for good reason.
I blocked both siblings a long time ago but the small area we are from and the school district we went to, I have plenty of friends on my list that know them both.
Apparently my brother, although he’s lived with this woman for a while, has recently gotten married…from what I can tell from what I can see on her FB page.
The moment I realized who she and the man were in the photos, was quite the strange experience.
He dated her before when they were younger, but I don’t remember her. I know this from an email he sent me a few summers ago, one I didn’t respond to.
When I saw this mysterious name as a friend request, I clicked on it to see who she was and if we had any friends in common. I was taken to her FB page with photos of her and a man. A man I didn’t recognize at first. A man I wasn’t really looking at so much either. I was trying to figure out who the woman was requesting ‘friendship.’
I scrolled a bit and saw some post pertaining to a local radio station and then it clicked in my brain, who the man was I’d been looking at. My brother.
It’s probably a variety of reasons request. My brother is blocked, so he can’t request unless he creates another account. They are likely announcing the marriage. And I think my brother still wants a relationship with me.
But I can’t do it. Not unless some discussions are had, some acknowledgments are made, apologies too. And that there is some understanding as to why I’ve stayed away so long. And given his minimizing of my feelings last time I tried to confide in him, I don’t think that is there.
I won’t accept the friendship and I’ll likely block her at some point. I’m not on there much so it’s not a big deal. But it kinda freaked me out.
You know, when I was driving around yesterday, in the area I lived in with B for 13 years, I was wishing I could move the fuck out of this area, so I could stop being so close to all the things and places that hold so many shitty memories. I feel like that again, right now. Not that my family’s or my internet presence won’t be a thing, but it would be much more freeing to not be in their physical vicinity.
Oh and btw: Even though I have been aware of what my brother looks like these days because of his YouTube channel, that I don’t visit often, he looks very different than he did the last time I saw him five years ago. And being distracted and focused on the woman made my mind kind of blind to who he is.
Lemme tell ya. It’s very strange not to recognize your own brother.