Stuck Fucked Lost Broke

I start to make some progress, something happens to knock me back down.

Every fucking time,

I get back up and get back in the fight.

But why does it always have to be a fight?

It’s always been a fight.

I can’t seem to get enough ahead to gain any momentum.

So when the rug is pulled, the steps backward are much more than they were ahead.

I follow the rules but then the rules change. And I’m left spinning and pissed off.

I’m so broke.

Money broke, spiritually broke, mentally broke.

I can’t take it anymore.

I want to give up.


12 thoughts on “Stuck Fucked Lost Broke

  1. I have felt this same way so many times. It seems that the rug gets pulled out from under just as I start to walk. I really hope things shift in time. You are a beautiful person who has been through so much. Hang in there (though I know its a difficult thing to ask at the darkest times. <3)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sorry I haven’t read blogs for a week. I feel awful for neglecting my friends. I guess if you’ve read mine you will see that I basically feel like you do!!!! It’s all so hard. Just read this and thought ugh she is feeling this too. It is just so hard. So you open up. Like I did. And hopefully bloggers will give you love and support. And YET I get a comment psychoanalyzing me and now….well I am sobbing and that is not why I started this blog. For some “therapist” to judge me. I’m pretty sure i have enough of that!
    And I wanted to show my entire snail video! Just like i wanted to share my entire frog video when i save him and put him on a bush outside but for some weird reason there is a block and i can MAYBE get like 14 seconds. Once i got 1 minutes. Anyway. I’m sorry you are hurting, lost, broke. Me too. I hate it and it fucking sucks and i wish it were better for you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks. Today was a lot better. Despite waking up in the slight funk I woke up in, my day got better. I got a text from an old client who needs me to visit with her dog on Thursday night and Friday morning. So that’s good for two reasons. A bit of money and…well…the dog. 🙂

    Then I took some pictures of some things I’m working through to put on ebay and then got a couple things listed. But one problem I had yesterday, is my car’s check engine light went on. I took it to the mechanic and after putting it on the diagnostic machine told me the code that comes up means something i wrong with the catalytic converter.

    But then he said that generally if something is wrong with the converter it means there is another underlying problem. So I have to take it back for them to really check into what’s going on and that won’t happen til Friday. Luckily they have loaner cars so I won’t have to worry about getting stranded and not making it to see the dog.

    But of course being in limbo, not knowing what’s wrong with the car is stressful. I’m worried because DBT is a half hour drive and both my group and individual appointments are at times that B would not be able to help me out because he works during the day. So, yeah, a bit nervous.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you. I missed you but I understand how it is with reading blogs sometimes. It gets to be too much to read the difficulties of others when things are so hard for yourself. At least that’s how it is for me at times. It just makes everything that’s already sad, extra sad.

    Ugh, analyzing! So condescending. A therapist should know better.

    My day was better today.


  5. Oh my gosh. Car problems, check engine light problems…. that would have me about ready to tear my hair out!

    That’s great about the dog, though, and the bit of extra money. Also selling on ebay, I have done that. Several years ago when we were in a very bad financial bind, on the brink of being homeless, I sold some of my antiques on ebay and got a surprising amount of money. Really, I thought some people bid more than they should have, but I wasn’t going to complain, it literally kept us off the streets! I hope the same thing happens for you. When people get in bidding war for your stuff, that’s really nice.

    It makes me feel better knowing that you had a better day. I hope you have an even better day tomorrow! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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