This isn’t Roy’s car. His was black. I took this at a car show in my old hometown some years ago.

Roy was a chef at a job I had a long time ago. It was a job I couldn’t get to by foot or any form of public transportation and I didn’t have a car.

I’m not sure what even made me go out to apply and interview for it knowing all of that, but I did. I was able to get there for the interview borrowing my mother’s car, but I would not be able to have it on a daily basis.

Roy hired me that day and since I’d been up front about my transportation issue, he arranged with one of the staff to pick me up at a certain place each morning so I could get to work.

Each morning I would walk about 8 blocks to meet my ride on a main stretch of road, we’ll call the pike, the same small highway the restaurant was on actually, however, miles down the road. Rose was my ride in the beginning, but she was also pregnant, so her days at the restaurant were numbered.

Later I got rides from Sally who would pick me up at the same place. She and I became friends outside of work as well. But this is about Roy, so let’s get to it.

It did not take long for me to develop a crush on Roy. He was gorgeous. He was tall, with jet black hair and oh so handsome. He was 26. I was 19.

My direct supervisor, in the pantry, Dianne and I were talking one day and she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her I liked someone right there in the kitchen. She got all excited and asked me who.  So I told her.

Immediately the grin dropped from her face and she said, in a hushed urgent tone, “He’s married. You can’t date him.”

“Oh wow, I had no idea.”  And I didn’t. He didn’t wear a ring. The news was so utterly disappointing. I assured her I’d forget about it.

But I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t really care that he was married. I didn’t exactly set out ‘to get him.’ But the fantasy of being with him stayed alive.

Much to my surprise he seemed to be flirting with me when the opportunity presented itself. I’d catch him staring at me from time to time as well.  Roy then made flirting between us even easier when he assigned me to make the daily soup after the lunch rush was over and I’d cleaned up the pantry/cold side of the kitchen.

The huge pot that was for making soups was near the butcher block he spent most of his day at. The massive pot was a permanent fixture in the floor, so there was no moving the soup pot.

He taught me how to make soups and I would use his recipes to do it.  It gave me something to do since I had to wait for Sally anyway, who worked until at least 5:00pm everyday and usually later.

I didn’t mind staying as long as whenever. There was plenty of food and soda available if I wanted it. It was a restaurant after all, and I worked in the kitchen. But my main focus was Roy.

One day, the exact circumstances of which I cannot remember, Roy and I were alone in the kitchen at the end of a Sunday, a day I didn’t usually work. I think what happened was that Roy asked me to stay a little later that day, when Sally was getting ready to leave and said he’d give me a ride home.

Perfect! Yes of course.

So when we left, I climbed into the passenger seat of his sleek, black, beautiful Corvette. I was so excited. We drove down the road and as we neared the mall on the pike, he asked me if I’d ever driven a Corvette.  I chuckled and said, “No. I don’t even know how to drive stick.”

So he made a left turn into the vast empty parking lot of the mall, stopped, yanked the emergency break up and got out. I watched him as he walked in front of the car, over to the passenger side, opened the door and said, “Climb over.”  So I did.

I could not believe this guy was going to allow me to drive such a beautiful car. But that’s what happened. On Sundays that mall (which is no longer in existence now) closed at 5 pm so I had a lot of room to learn. I never mastered that car, but I certainly had fun trying.

I think we must’ve stopped for a bite to eat as well, because by the time we pulled up to the front of my parent’s house, it was dark. It was a nice night though and we got out of the car and spent more time talking. By the end of that night we were all over each other on the hood of his car. It was a wonder we were still clothed by the time he left.

Our affair had started.

We’d kiss in the walk-ins. He initiated this. I remember being so nervous about others walking in on that.  He actually initiated everything that happened between us. I didn’t have to chase him at all. I just fell into his arms… so to speak.  I reached a point where I felt completely special and I’d believe anything he told me.

We spent a weekend once, at the shore house he owned and had fun on the rides on the boardwalk.

I didn’t see him a whole lot outside of work, but when I did, it was exciting and fun. The sex of course was phenomenal.  But one day brought the kind of excitement I did not enjoy.

Roy and I were sitting in a fast food parking lot by the mall in his car one late afternoon, kissing. All of a sudden I heard a sharp sounding thud and simultaneously felt the car rock…hard. Startled, I looked out the windshield and saw a woman jumping up and down on the hood of the car, yelling, screeching actually, “Roy, what are you doing? She’s just a kid.”

Scared. the. shit. outta. me.

It was Pam, one of the cocktail waitresses from the restaurant. She was obviously not just upset about me being so young. It was then I’d figured out she’d been another one of his girls.  But after he/we made our escape from this woman, who actually chased after us in her car, he assured me it was over.

This actually explained why the woman would stand and talk to him before her shift every day. I never thought much about it since the restaurant had been in business for years. They’d likely worked together for a long time and were friends. Big deal.  I was friends with everyone on the kitchen staff in one capacity or another, including the men and I was particularly close to one of the cooks, who I thought of as a brother. At some point, I had partied with most of them as well as some of the wait staff.

I believed his lies about he and Pam being over. And to be honest I don’t remember how I faced Pam after that. Knowing what I know now though, I have no doubt that he told her some lie that settled her down, just as he’d lied to me.

And all this time he is still married and has a small child. However, he did tell me he was divorcing. I was 19 and quite naive. I had no idea.

I remember there was a weird day when his wife came into the restaurant and Roy, his wife, Pam and my direct boss, Dianne, all gathered into the chef’s office and shut the door. I never did find out what that was about.

But down the line, I found out late at night, after a party, at a Denny’s, that he and Dianne (my direct supervisor) had also been fucking around. She’d actually told me while Roy was in the rest room.  I had been chewing on a french fry, when she delivered the news. That fry, quickly turned to cotton in my mouth and my appetite immediately dissipated.

I got up and went outside. I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Dianne herself was married. She’d been the one to discourage me away from crushing on Roy.  It all made sense.

The only jealousy I ever remember feeling pertaining to the two of them, is one day I saw them walking back toward the kitchen together from dry storage. They were talking, laughing and Dianne actually glowed.  I shake my head even now.  I never once addressed that. I mean, people get jealous. They worked together. I let it go.

Dianne chased me out to the parking lot and talked to me like a friend. I don’t remember the words exchanged but I was so hurt and felt like such an idiot. Roy soon followed to find out what I knew.

Dianne wanted to give me a ride home that night, but I said no and went with Roy instead. While he drove I asked questions and he answered with lies. But of course I didn’t know they were lies and wanted to believe him.

I’d been hopeful when I got out of the car that we’d see each other again. By this time, the restaurant as we’d known it had shut down and was running in a different way. He wasn’t working there anymore, but Sally, Dianne, and I were, along with one of the guys (the one who’d felt like a brother to me).

Some time later, I tried to call the number I had for Roy and discovered the number was out of service. I hung the receiver up in a sort of shock and went to my room. I sat down on the corner of my bed, knowing that he was gone forever from my life and cried.


32 thoughts on “Roy

  1. I think we all have a similar story to this – mostly because men are effin’ pigs. Mine was my boss at a photography studio. He wasn’t married, but he was screwing a bunch of us at one time. It all ended badly.

    I read blogs like this and then read others where people are just starting out in their affair, where they think this shit is actually going to end in a good way – and it never does. Never in my experience (except one friend of mine, but it was a long road to get her happy ending). People tell you what you want to hear, to get what they want. Consequences be damned.

    Have you ever tried to locate him on Facebook?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Haha, I never even thought about finding him on facebook. TBH: I don’t even remember his last name. Lol

      Your second paragraph really nails it. I’ve gotten kind of frustrated. But now I don’t bother saying anything or let it get to me. It used to get to me. People have to learn their own lessons. I had two affairs later in life. The man was different than the one above but it was the same man in both of those later affairs. Yeah, I didn’t learn too well, but I learned later there was an addiction factor which I had no idea about.

      I know of one couple, they are quite a bit older and still together, that got together through an affair. My BIL’s father and his wife. But I don’t know that back story at all.

      I’m certain I won’t do it again myself.

      Liked by 2 people

      • You just worded it so eloquently. Horribly things worded eloquently which makes the reader, any reader, your mom, SHOULD choose you!!!!! You really wrote it in a way to show the depth of pain and love and in just so many details and you set boundaries.


          • Lol!!! I read to blogs and then i just commented on yours what I meant to comment on another draft to my mother blog. Oops. Ok but your roy was kick ass and very well written. I did mean that. I may have jumped back and forth too quick.

            Liked by 1 person

              • I just checked the …shouldn’t be commenting on blog posts box….i’ve never done that before. The two were right next to each other. I way overdid today and so I’m a little , well a lot shaky. I knew what i was trying to say just to the wrong person! Hope you have a good night.

                Liked by 1 person

                  • Arghghghghghg I mean hope you are having a good night. Just ignore me over here!!!
                    I decided to go for a drive which I do one day a week but I know my limit is 5 minutes and I decided to go 10 because I wanted to see the old park we used to go to and my legs were then jello when I got home and I have had chills and feverish and seizurish. My body is so fragile and it pisses me off!!!!!! If I overdo my muscles they get hot, try to cool themselves, then i get chills, then i get a fever. It is dangerous and I’m not supposed to do it. But I wanted to see the park!!!! I think I just got out and stood too many times. Then on the way back I saw the church garden and I really wanted to go back again. So I did. Considering I typically only walk around my house and have bar stools all over so that I can sit and rest if I am weak and I choose to just go out and drive, well that is ok because i only use one leg, righty, but to stand and walk uses both which then i have to drive with righty again and then i can’t limp on righty like I usually do because lefty is atrophied so i am just a big pile of a wreck!!! But it was worth it. It really was. I have to get away from the house. I may have flipped my lid if I didn’t leave. And I know the day will come soon when my driving will be a thing of the past. Ok totally long comment on your blog!!!!

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Haha. I love long comments. I never know what to address when I comment back, but I love to read them.

                      It sounds so awful what you are living with. I cringe at the thought of the seizures. And you being there alone when you have them (?) It has to be so scary either way.

                      I wish I lived down there near you. I would so come over and take walks when your hubby wasn’t around and drive places with you too. It would get me out too.

                      I don’t go out all that much. I was feeling kind of hopeless earlier today and I’d forgotten about the farmers market I like to get meat from. When I remembered I told myself, ‘Nah, I’m not going.” It’s ungodly hot outside.

                      But then I decided to go. I really wanted to get chicken there. We were running low and they are only there on Wednesdays.

                      I was supposed to have therapy today but she called to cancel at 8am. But then we rescheduled for Friday. I start the DBT group on Tuesday so I was glad she offered that appointment. I have some questions before I start.

                      Anyway, I was glad I made myself get out. It was hot, but I didn’t melt. And I love the farmer I buy meat from. He’s a friendly face.


                    • That’s so good for the brain. I swear if I stay in then I go insane feeling but then it depends where I go out. Like the other day I wanted to get a burrito but didnt want the overwhelming stimulation of the place so i had my husband get it and i ate it in the car.
                      I would love a farmers market. I’m so glad you went. And got out. It’s freaking hot out. But it is good to just get out.
                      I’m so interested in the DBT therapy and how you do.
                      I love long comments on my blog too. I like conversation and the personal part of it. If you ramble like me then who knows what to comment back on!
                      I wish you lived here too. That would be so nice to have a friend to drive around with.

                      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: More on Roy and Confusion of a Young Woman | Sleeping Tiger

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