Landlords, A Wasp and Lies


It is a rare event for me to lie. I don’t know, maybe I lie at times and don’t realize it. Some humans do this. Maybe I’ve done it.  I used to lie a lot when I was a kid. It actually came kind of easy to me too. I could look my mom right in the eye and lie and get away with it.

I stopped doing that when there was really no reason to do so anymore. But also because I began feeling guilty for it and I hated that feeling.

I certainly still tell the occasional white lie to spare feelings if no harm is done.

Besides, most stories are told from a point of view, which is perspective and so may or may not be accurate.

OK, now I just sound like I’m making excuses, and I’m not really. I’m not apologizing or asking to be judged on this, but I told a blatant lie. And standing in my own judgment and giving myself validation, I did it for a damn good reason.

It wasn’t just for the sake of lying. I know some people do that. Their default is simply to lie, even if they don’t need to or if the truth would suit them better.  But in my case, no. As an adult, I’ve even been accused of being “too honest.”

So I thought about that and then asked myself, “Well, how is that really working for ya? Especially when it comes to this lady.”

And the conclusion I came to is that it’s not.

I still knew that things would not exactly work out in my favor, which would have been to feel heard and understood about my concern about the wasp.  But this woman is completely incapable of that. So my interest was simply in being a voice for myself and not backing down. Even though she is obviously the one with all the power, being the property owner.

She truly has the skill of minimizing down to a fucking T. So I expected nothing less (or more) when I texted her to tell her that I found a wasp in the window of our living room.

Here’s the conversation/text exchange:

Me: Wanted to give you a heads up that I just saw a wasp in our front living room window. I shut it and I think I have it trapped but wondering if there [are] more where that one came from.

Her: I don’t think one wasp is cause for worry. Let me know if you see several more.

Me: I’m allergic so any amount is cause for concern.

Her: I don’t understand why you felt it necessary to tell me then. Unless you suspect that there is a nest on the property, and one wasp is no indication that there is, there is nothing I can do about it.

Me: As a tenant it was my understanding we are supposed to tell a landlord such things. I am confused by your confusion. I’ve had this experience before and the landlord on 2 occasions checked his property for a nest. Not that I am telling you to do that but clearing up your confusion. I guess [I] thought any property owner would want to catch something like that early. My mistake.

Her: As I said before, if you see several buzzing around your window, let me know. However, if I call someone and there’s no nest, you will be responsible.

I wish…so wish, there was a middle finger key to send back to her.

But instead I answered back: I will do that. But wasps aside, I don’t understand how that becomes our responsibility. That’s a new one to me.

Her: You are responsible only if your complaint costs money for a false alarm, e.g. having someone come out to get rid of a wasp next that doesn’t exist. Enough said on the matter. We’ll address it if or when it applies.

So in case you didn’t catch the lies, and how would you, since you don’t know me, I will tell you.

I am not allergic…as far as I know. But then, I’ve never been stung by a wasp, only bees.

Saying I’d had the same basic experience before at all, let alone on 2 occasions with other landlords is also not true.

As I said, she is a pro at minimizing shit I tell her about when there’s some sort of problem, concerning the apartment.So I felt these extra pieces would give me a bit more leverage if nothing else.

She did make a point to let us know from the beginning, before we even moved in… “if anything goes wrong or if there is any problem, don’t try to fix it yourself. Call or text me and I’ll take care of it.”

But when I do, the above is a good example as to how she responds. And once again I felt like she was minimizing so instead of remaining silent and boiling over, I chose to lie.

Of course being the the low level narcissist I suspect she is, she is master at that ping-pong game they seem to love to play and knew how to minimize and confuse the conversation as well as hit me where she believes it hurts…in the wallet.

What a fucking circus. I can’t seem to get away from them.

I wanted to sweat it out for a couple more years here but I don’t think my sanity will survive.  I don’t want to deal with the stress of moving so soon but if that’s what’s necessary then so fucking be it.

We will see. I don’t have the final say.

So! If you’ve made it this far and you’re not sure if this woman is the asshole I think she most likely is, read through the comments. I respond to other people’s comments with more of the story and her behavior.


29 thoughts on “Landlords, A Wasp and Lies

  1. I don’t like how she worded it, but I agree with her to a point. One wasp isn’t a cause for concern. They tend to hang out in groups when a nest is involved. And on our rental property, if we call out someone for a problem that turns out to not be a problem, we are responsible for the cost. I think that’s standard fair for rental companies.

    But ….. she could have said what she said, in a completely different way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I agree to a point. One wasp really isn’t that big of a deal. I’m not terribly afraid of just one.

      Most landlords I have encountered though, if they live close to the property or in this case, right on the property, would go out and look around themselves for a nest.

      So that was one thing that really bothered me. She has to call someone in for everything. She wouldn’t have to charge us anything if she went out to look around her own damn self. That’s what I would do if it were my property. In fact I did go out and look up at the area around the window and both above and under it to see if there was a nest. But there’s a lot of brush around the side and I didn’t want to take a chance on getting stung or bit if there is one, so I didn’t get into all that. If it was my property I would though.

      I’m just used to men landlords who take matters into their own hands and for something like just checking for a nest, there is no need to call someone in for that. In fact, even as a woman, if it were my property and I got the same message from a tenant I’d respond with, “OK, I’ll look around outside to see if I can find one.”

      I personally would want to see if there was something more there if I was the owner. But that’s me.

      Another part that struck me as weird is her claim of confusion as to why I told her.

      And again, she constantly minimizes, so this just added another layer to my frustration. We have had bugs in one of the bedrooms, knobs have broken off the tub/shower, our drier broke and our washer would stop mid-cycle.

      The washer thing didn’t get fixed for the longest time and when I texted her about it the final time she said, “Oh I thought that was taken care of.”

      And I’m like, What, when would that have happened? I just chalked it up to forgetfulness and her being busy.

      So combined with all the other shit, I just felt like standing up for myself this time even if I did have to throw a couple lies in there.

      Oh, I almost forgot. Over the winter we had a couple snows that really needed someone to shovel the driveway but she didn’t have it done. So Mr. B was walking in the mud to his car and I trudged through the snow to mine parked on the street. It got icy and with a back injury the last thing I need is to fall on my ass.

      So the second time it snowed even deeper, Mr B went out and shoveled the driveway.

      The last time it snowed, it was way too deep and heavy to do with a shovel and that’s when I asked her about shoveling. She insisted that she had someone to shovel and that he shoveled last time. Well that was BS because Mr B had done it. She acted all surprised about it, told me she’d left the guy 40 bucks and wondered why he hadn’t taken it.

      And then did not offer to let us have the 40 off our rent even though I made it clear that B shoveled it.

      So that whole thing pissed me off because it felt like a big head game on her part. Insisting she had someone to shovel but I’d seen no evidence of it.

      The final time it got done with a plow because she couldn’t get out of the garage.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Does that constitute a slumlord? I wonder if they are all this way. I have had worse landlords too.

          One guy really did let the place fall apart and had a drunk move in who kept the whole building awake all night sometimes. The place was so old, the walls were paper thin. God, that sucked so bad. I was in school at the time plus I worked full time. There was another tenant there who had a really small child and this drunk would pound on the walls and stomp his feet to really loud music.

          So I guess it could be worse.

          Another one made a big deal about my brother parking in the driveway after she told me one guest could park there, she changed her mind and called like 10 times until my brother moved his car. He wasn’t blocking her in either.

          I have had the worst luck with landlords I swear. I didn’t mean to sell you on how much of an ass this one is. You don’t have to agree with me. lol. I’m just tired of not having more control over certain situations myself.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I wasn’t agreeing for the sake of agreeing. It really does sound like she’s a pretty terrible person. I don’t understand why common decency is scarcely found these days. People just don’t care about anyone but themselves.

            Liked by 1 person

            • It’s so true….common decency is not so common anymore. It’s right up there with the rarity of common sense. lol

              I see so much narcissistic behavior anymore but then I think I have always seen it, I just don’t benefits of the doubt as much as I used to and I used to give everyone that.

              And I am not one to really like to pin that label (narcissist) on people because I know how over used it can be. But then also…if the shoe fits and all that.

              Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you. I was kind of doubting myself a little. I know it was wrong to lie. But…I explained it in the post. I still don’t feel bad about it toward her. It was a good and interesting test. I don’t like lying though. I kind of also wanted to see how it felt and what would happen.

          Condescending is a great way to put it.

          She smokes like a chimney so we have to put up with that too. When I told her we could smell it in the basement she said, “Oh but I don’t smoke in the basement.”

          Yeah, it goes through the vents. Being a property owner you’d think she’d know this.

          When I told her we could smell the cig smoke in our apartment she said, “Oh well no one ever complained before.”

          I am not a fan of that phrase at all.

          I also showed her the disgusting yellow streaks around our bathroom wall near the ceiling and told her that it’s probably from her smoking. She denied it by saying “There is no way they are from me smoking.” She said that in a text.

          I explained that if we can smell it because it comes through the vents, than it’s quite feasible it could leave stains up here too. There’s a vent that blows outward on the ceiling in the bathroom. And of course the heat/ac ducts push all kinds of shit through them as well.

          Then later after she’d seen it she said in a little sing song voice, “I don’t know what it is.” And again I had been telling her it’s nicotine stains. She completely dismissed what I was saying or that I was saying anything at all.

          I’m fairly certain that is what they are from. They form a familiar pattern I’ve seen before when I smoked, when my entire family smoked. But she gave the usual response, like, No way that is my responsibility kind of thing.

          Yeah, I can’t stand her.

          I think I need to start packing my shit up again, just get it boxed up and have it ready to go. I would like to get out of here. I’m just not sure my body can take the move physically. But in all honesty I can change that.


          • I thought of it is kind of a test more than a lie. You tested her. She showed she doesnt care.
            I’m not a fan of may phrases that minimize and that are well constructed bullshit that try to make the other person that they are the only one when you know darn well as a land lord she has had every complain there is!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Yeah, true! She could have just as easily lied about no one ever complaining before. Thing is I’m not so sure she is. She could be and I’m by no means giving her benefit of the doubt but she’s had smokers living her before.

              The people before us were a young couple who probably just put up with it because they were saving for a house.

              The people before them were a couple of guys, one was a drunk and apparently had trouble finding the ashtray because there are burn marks all over my bedroom carpet.

              She didn’t change the carpets which I think she should have, but must not have been a law to do so. They are filthy though so it’s obvious she didn’t get them steam cleaned either.

              She’s a cheap bitch who cuts lots of corners.

              She has also been sneaky about turning blame onto others when it’s clearly her responsibility. She gave Mr. B a hard time for not moving his Jeep out of the driveway on a snowy night. The snow was deep and she was having a plow come remove the snow. She wanted Mr B to park in the street OVERNIGHT so the driveway would be empty for the plow guy…who didn’t even get there til sometimes in the afternoon.

              She’s just ridiculous. Mr. B incidentally did not park on the street that night but moved it in the morning in plenty of time.

              She blamed Mr B when she knocked the side-view mirror off by swiping the side of her garage with her car.

              She said he was parked too far over in the driveway!

              He parks so far over to the side where the grass is, that he is walking in the mud when it rains.

              That was the most blatant blaming she did. Others have been sneaky that if you didn’t know what to listen for or weren’t versed in narcissistic tactics, you’d be confused.


              • Plus once you smoke, it’s just in the walls, the AC vents, the carpet. It is hard to get out.
                She honestly sounds like just a terrible person who is looking for someone to complain about and complain to and blame.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Ew yeah I know about that cig smell. I quit so many times before it finally stuck. I remember when I first smoked I never really smelled it much on myself and other people smoking didn’t bother me either.

                  When I went back to it, each time too, I would smell it on my clothes and in my hair and of course my breath would be gross too. I’d have to take a shower when I got home or before bed so I wouldn’t smell it and all the clothes would go right in the hamper.


        • Ah yes, I am smelling the sweet smell of cigarettes right now because it’s so hot I need the AC right now. I will need to open my bedroom door when I go to sleep to ventilate the room.

          If she’s awake and home she’s impinging on our oxygen.


          • That is absolutely not ok that her cigarette smoke is coming into your house! Not ok!!! I could not bear it…bare it…mental moment on spelling bear….for one moment. I hate that smell

            Liked by 1 person

            • Me too. Unfortunately since she’s the owner, there is nothing we can do about it, except to leave.

              I have a friend who works at a health food store and I saw him there and we talked a little. He is living in an apartment bldg in another town (same county) and when I asked him how he likes it at his apartment he said he’s got the cigarette smell too.

              It’s not illegal and the landlord sets those rules and the smoker her IS the landlord. Blech!

              We knew though. The first time we looked at the place she wasn’t home and so there was no smell. Then we came back to get a second look and she was home and I could smell it when we got to one of the bedrooms.

              I said to the realtor, “She smokes?”
              Realtor nodded her head and my demeanor immediately and visibly changed. She pressed me about what was wrong and I should have said, nope, deal breaker, let’s go.

              But I was so worried about getting a place to live, another long story, so Mr B applied and we got it. We’d been turned down at another place because of my credit (more long story) and so I was scared.

              I brought boxes up from the garage. I think I’m just going to start the boxing process and go from there. Our lease is up end of August and then from there it will be month to month. Only thing is we will still need to give 60 days notice.


              • In florida no one smokes anywhere it seems. There are so many laws you can’t smoke near buildings or in buildings or in restaurants. I don’t know what I would do if I moved away from here and had to even eat in restaurant that had smoking. It nauseates me.
                Sounds like a great idea to me to start boxing things up and making plans. That just does not sound livable.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Well, it’s livable to a point. But it’s getting more difficult because of her personality.

                  At first I thought, Well, I’m just looking for the narcissism. I thought I was just being suspicious because of this semi new knowledge of narcissists. But no, she is one of the assholes.

                  I have lived in much worse situations though. One landlord was just nuts. Ringing my phone off the hook when my brother came to visit because he was parked in her precious driveway….not blocking anyone in.

                  Another place moved a drunk in AFTER I’d already been there who kept the building up all night sometimes with loud music, stomping and yelling…that he believed was singing.

                  Another neighbor at another house left her dog out 24/7 for the longest time. (Now THAT’S a long story.) I was so sleep deprived for quite a while.

                  At least I can sleep here. She is quiet, doesn’t usually have company and we have our own washer and drier right here on site. Although the front of the place is on a busy road, the back is residential. Even though there is another apartment building next door, for the most part, it is very residential and quiet most of the time. Knock wood when I say that. One guy likes to play a djembe it sounds like outside though, which then I really need my noise machine and my fan. lol.

                  The first night we were here, B and me were in the driveway, getting ready to go get some dinner and a guy jogged by with a pizza in hand and said, “Oh Nancy _________’s new victims.”

                  So yeah, ugh!


                  • Oh my gosh i cannot believe the jogger said that! And that is confirmation. So if you ever doubt yourself and think you are thinking she is maybe NOT a narcissist just remember what she said and be like oh yeah, my instinct is right about her, she’s a straight up bitch.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Lol,…”Straight up bitch.” This made me laugh. Thank you.

                      Yeah, that guy and what he said has haunted both B AND me since we heard that guy say that. We bring it up every now and then to each other when she’s being an asshole.

                      When I was in the garage I saw something sticking out from under her car…like a piece of the car that should not be sticking out. The driveway here scrapes the under carriage of cars, which is why I don’t park in it. So I don’t know what she did, maybe took it at the wrong angle. But I’m just waiting for her to blame one of us for that.

                      Liked by 1 person

                • Oh I forgot about the smoking thing.
                  It’s weird after I quit I met more people who didn’t/don’t smoke than do. And when I did smoke I knew so many people who did. My whole family smoked for years.

                  The restaurants around here don’t allow smoking. Not sure if that’s all of PA but it is certainly here in this area. That includes the bars too. If you wanna smoke at bars, you have to go outside. I also see signs around buildings that say no smoking near the building.

                  So it’s like that here too. But when it comes to housing, it’s up to the owner.

                  I can tell you that there is at least one person who smokes in Florida. That would be my mother. She lives down there now and although I have not seen her in a few years, I’d be completely floored if she quit.


                  • Oh I didnt ‘know PA was like that too. I didnt think about how housing is different. I guess hotels would have smoking rooms to maybe.
                    Oh I’ve seen smokers just never around buildings anymore. We have a few that live in our neighborhood. My neighbor quit about a year ago and he said he can smell for the first time in his life and now cig smell annoys him after he quit.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • I think ex-smokers are the worst when it comes to being sensitive to it too. I have an uncle who quit long before I did and I remember how sensitive he was to the smell. Not saying ‘sensitive’ in a bad way. It does seem though that when people smoke and then quit they detect more than someone who never smoked. It’s weird.

                      I remember when those laws were being passed about the smoking thing in restaurants. Smokers bitched about it so much. I was still a sporadic smoker but didn’t care. I don’t smoke when I eat and I never had an issue with sitting in the non-smoking section with someone who preferred that.

                      I don’t even miss it now. I didn’t even try to stop. My body was just like, “NO MORE!”


                    • Well that’s a pretty cool way to stop. Just stop. At first he said the smell made him want to smoke again but then he found it offensive. Maybe sensitive to it because a smoker isn’t aware and then becomes aware of the smell. Not sure.ive always hated smoke of any kind. Burning smells. Burning leaves. All that. Dont like strong smells

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I love campfire smells. I melted the bottom of a shoe once because I’d sat too close. lol. I like the smell of MJ too. I like incense too but the smoke itself can be overwhelming. I’m a fan of sage too. But again, the smoke itself gets to be too much when trying to breathe.

                      I’ve had incidents here and there when I smell a cig from a distance and outside, it makes me want one. But that never lasts.

                      The worst habit ever.


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