Drumming In The Mean

Mean Boyfriend“These aren’t your people you know. I’ve known Steve since high school.”

Said by Tim, a guy I called boyfriend at certain times in my life. He made this proclamation many years ago while at a house party of a couple who were specifically my friends.

Scotty, the male part of the couple hosting of the party had been a year ahead of me in high school and we’d spent time together, platonically, doing things outside of school. Lisa, the female part of the couple, and I were in the same graduating class together but didn’t know each too well then. I had gotten to know her quite well and really like her, in the last couple years prior to this party.

I’m sure this statement of my boyfriend’s came from jealousy. Not exactly sure why he’d be jealous, since he had his own close knit set of friends who actually loved him very much. Obviously he didn’t like seeing me so happy, so comfortable, so content.

I remember how much of a shock it felt like when he’d said it, but like most other things he said, that were equally as abusive, I let it go…at least outwardly toward him. Obviously I didn’t truly let it go, given that I’m writing about it now.

I stayed friends with the lot of the folks who’d been at that party for a long time, including the guy my boyfriend so arrogantly announced knowing since high school. Tim had also made a point to let me know that he and I didn’t “travel in the same circles” right after telling me about knowing Steve from school.

The attitude it was said with was that of self-importance and as though he was better than me and his circles were better to travel in than mine were. I was left feeling like I was missing something every time he’d say it.

Well, given the fun I had, despite much of it being through the fog of marijuana and alcohol, I enjoyed my circles.  At the time I thought I wanted him to be a part of those circles, but I think I had more fun with my circles of friends in part because probably he wasn’t there when I was with them most of the time.

And Steve? The man whom my boyfriend made a point to let me know wasn’t “my people?”

Well he and I had many mutual friends and I made even more friends through him. A whole bunch of people I knew camped twice a year at a festival that was by invitation only. Steve was always there. One of the fun things people there did, was have drum circles around fire pits when the amplified music/bands were done playing for the night.

Steve had a djembe that I loved and would borrow for drum circles when he wasn’t using it. I’d call him ‘one of my people’ considering he trusted me enough with a prized and expensive possession of his.


So Tim…you were saying?



5 thoughts on “Drumming In The Mean

    • The dynamic between us was really messed up. I never completely blame ‘the other’ when it comes to an overall relationship. But he could really mess with my mind. Most of the time I don’t think it was intentional because he came from a childhood probably worse than mine.

      We had an exchange another time about some commercial while we were just lounging in his room watching TV.

      He made a comment that was funny, and since he was free associating, I figured it would be fun to express whatever it was I associated with it.

      After I made my comment that was relating to the commercial, I started laughing.

      But the smile was wiped off my face real quick when he said, “You always have an argument.” (or something like that. I’m paraphrasing here.)

      My tail went between my legs and I got quiet.

      So many instances with him, I should’ve just walked out.

      Liked by 1 person

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