Denying Abuse is Cultist Behavior

cults-250x150aI wrote late last night about being ready to return to therapy. But I don’t think I mentioned how damaged and well…I don’t even know what word would describe how I felt yesterday. Depressed, sad, angry, even suicidal doesn’t even seem to quite cut it.

I was in hell…not that I’d know what ‘real hell’ is but I was in a lot of pain yesterday. The effects of things my father had done got an intense emotional grip.

His words said he loved me. Even some of his actions did. But so many more of his actions were nasty, mean and scapegoating.

Worthless! That’s a good word to describe how I felt yesterday.

And the kicker is that my family sees me as the one who’s fucked up and the cause of the issues. My siblings are in such denial about how our parents treated us and raised us. How they ignored so much of the bullying and dysfunction among all of us.

Last night, while watching videos on YouTube, it occurred to me to check out some Jehovah Witness videos. The last relationshit (an affair) I had was with an ex JW himself, and I wanted to see what some of the ex-members had to say about that cult.

While watching and listening to one guy, he mentioned an episode of “Panorama” which features the pedophilia in the JW “church”. So I watched that too.

It’s hard to stomach shit like this, but it was very eye opening. It was disgusting how this organization ignores what is happening to the children and when the parents go to the ‘elders’ (who more properly should be called slimy pieces of shit) in this cult to report the crime, they are waved away and told to pray.

The mothers of these violated children, were so brainwashed into believing that these slime ball elders knew better than the mothers themselves, so the mothers would stay and do essentially nothing to protect their children. If they left they’d have nowhere to go essentially.

Of course the abuse of children continues while the elders and members of the organization stay in damaging denial, which results in allowing all that abuse to continue to happen.

Talk about sick shit!

This morning, after I’d processed my yesterday and this documentary, I realized that walking away from an abusive family…whether the abuse is physical or emotional, or both, it’s like getting away from a cult.

While it’s true I have a roof over my head as a result of the kindness of a friend, it’s not the same as having family to count on, having a mother to go to, having siblings to relate to and remember things with.

It’s extra sad when the people who are supposed to love you, understand you, be there for you, even provide some semblance of protection in the world, deny everything you struggle with, deny the abuse and chaos as well as the damage it all caused.

That is cultist behavior.

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16 thoughts on “Denying Abuse is Cultist Behavior

  1. “….walking away from an abusive family…whether the abuse is physical or emotional, or both, it’s like getting away from a cult.”

    Wow. I mean…. WOW.

    That statement right there… whew. You are absolutely 100% correct. I can’t believe I never saw that before.

    You are a freaking genius, do you know that??

    Liked by 1 person

      • My daughter was a JW during her marriage. I supported her right to choose her own beliefs. But I was greatly relieved when she left that way of life. The hardest thing, for her and my granddaughter, was being shunned by all their friends after they left. It is definitely a cult. Very unhealthy.

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  2. My aunt and cousin were Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I do remember the cult-like adherence to the elders, and how strict they were, although I don’t know if the JWs are properly defined as a cult, more of a fringe-fundamentalist Christian denomination. But they are extremely strict and have some odd rules. It doesn’t surprise me about the dismissive, “pray it away” attitude the elders took toward the parents who tried to report abuse of their children. Of course, this crap goes on all the time even within the more established churches. Unfortunately, churches and cult-like churches, like the JWs, are hotbeds for narcissists and sociopaths to rise to power and then deny there is any abuse going on or even instigate it themselves. They know how vulnerable their believing “flock” is, who believe they will go to hell or that God will punish them if they dare to question or complain about those who lead them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Otter-

      It was more like a thought association. Denial of abuse is cult-like behavior and after getting away from my family, I felt like what I think someone who’d gotten away from a cult might feel like. I can see even more clearly the brain washing type of thing that went on. I believed them. I believed that something was wrong with ME. That all I had to do was change. All I had to do was let go of the past. It was me who needed to get help to do that and then all would be well.

      This is the kind of thing I saw happening in the videos I watched and it triggered me hard back to how my entire family behaved toward me.

      It was not a cult, but the behavior was certainly cultist.

      I am just now beginning to realize and accept how sick I actually got from the whole incident of taking care of my father during those months. And it took that event for me to REALLY see how sick my family is. Those few months took a huge toll on my physical health and resurfaced the childhood trauma to the point that the learned helplessness I’d already learned, became much worse.

      Sorry I took so long to reply to your comment. I’ve been really depressed and wanted to be able to reply coherently. I’ve been doing more reading and thinking than writing. Although I’ve written a couple angry posts and one sort of ‘journal’ type thing.

      I also retracted my self dx on narcissism. And I’m doubting the BPD dx as well. I’m back to thinking that it’s all C-PTSD. That’s from reading a particular website and how those of us who have similar symptoms of cluster Bs are misdiagnosed.

      Here’s a link to the site if you’re interested: http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/
      The author of the site also has a blog here on wordpress.

      I think it’s a big tell if we are remorseful of the same behaviors that people with cluster Bs either don’t feel remorseful about or get a kick out of. When speaking of BPD, it gets a bit more complicated but I do think that’s usually C-PTSD though.

      I read an old post of yours as well “The Cluster B Stigma and the Nature of Evil” from August 2015. and that had me thinking even deeper about Cluster B vs. Complex PTSD.

      I started writing a post in response. (I couldn’t see where to reply on the post. Do you close comments on old posts?)

      What I’ve written though is not ready to post yet because I’m finding it difficult to articulate myself to make sense right now, although I’m pretty adamant about it. I will need to go back and reread and edit when my head is a bit more clear. I’m pretty tired right now. Lol.

      When I post it, I will link back to your post and I think I’m going to quote something you wrote too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m sorry you’re feeling so depressed, but it sounds like you’re using this time to do a lot of soul searching. I’ve found that sometimes depression leads me to think more deeply about my own motives and my relationships with the world and others. Not that depression doesn’t suck, because it really does. 😦
        I understand about not replying to my comment earlier — I’ve been there, especially when I’m depressed, I’m very bad about replying to others or even reading posts. Everything just seems to take so much effort! Know what I mean? Like 5 lbs becomes 500, and small things are catastrophes that cannot be resolved. Or they seem that way.
        You may have narcissistic traits but I do not believe you are a narcissist. I don’t think I really am one either, but I certainly have many of the traits. As for BPD, were you officially diagnosed or not? I think a lot of people, especally women, who are suffering C-PTSD get slapped with the BPD label because C-PTSD isn’t recognized and BPD is, but BPD is a lot more stigmatizing.
        Oh, as for commenting on that old post, yes, I had to set it up so new comments are shut off after 4 months. I did that to save space and because I was getting too many comments to keep up with with the newer posts. But you are welcome to email me what you thought of it, if you want! If you’d like me to post it as a comment under that post, I can copy and paste it there and override the deadline.
        I hope you feel a lot better soon! I’m catching up on your newer posts. I’m too exhausted to write anything new tonight.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks. I’ve been in a long stretch of depression, it’s gotten really out of hand that I feel dead inside. It’s awful. I come up for air and feel a bit better some days, but the depression is always there.

          I was diagnosed with BPD along with PTSD by one therapist. She had given me a psych evaluation too, to help me with my disability claim. She also told me that the BPD dx would help with getting approved for disability benes. It didn’t. I don’t think much helps when you have a shitty lawyer. Lol.

          As for narc traits…yeah no doubt. I think too that trauma will effect how we display our narcissism. Narcissism is something we all have and there is a healthy level of it. So it can get a bit complicated here for me to explain myself.

          I hate when I know something but can’t put it into words and that’s where I’m at with the post I started in response to your post. I’m going to look at it again sometime this week, or at least that’s the plan. I’d like to post it because it will add to my thoughts on my retraction as well.

          Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yeah, I also want to add that maybe it depends on where you join and the attitude of the members. From what I understand JWs expect you to shun family and friends who don’t subscribe to the same beliefs and belong to the church.

      The guy I dated…he was the affair partner I touch on here in my blog…pretty lightly so far…was a JW as a child into adulthood as a young man. He left because of his church’s attitude toward the woman he married, although she was part of the church too and in fact that’s how they met.

      His mother is still part of the church and never shunned her son. Not sure she was ever asked to either. So I don’t know. I was never part of it.

      Another thing I understand as well is their expectation of its members to be at the beckon call of the church and be out and about knocking on doors at all times, when not working. So that sounds cultist to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I read an article about the JWs today, and like most cults, once you join, they expect you to devote more and more of your life to them, going door to door, and pretty much turning your whole life over to them. Mormons are much the same way but I think JWs are worse. The practice of shunning is used by most cults, and is evil to the extreme. It’s religious abuse.

        Liked by 1 person

            • Ok, I see. Well, I don’t want to find out. Lol.

              When I was dating the guy who had been a JW, he told me about participating Habitats for Humanity and I was really intrigued by that.

              I told him I’d like to get involved in that. And he pretty much blew it off.

              I think there were a mix of reasons, one being, he was no longer interested in being involved with the church.

              Some of the stuff he told me sounded rather cultist. He had some pretty narcissistic traits himself. Some healthy, some toxic. But that’s another story. lol

              Liked by 1 person

      • I read a whole lot. And I’m really glad I did. I’ve forgotten about my old posts and some of them really gave insight to where I was back then and it is all important. I felt the same way when I was reading yours. That your words were important and should be heard.

        Liked by 1 person

        • “That your words were important and should be heard.” I so appreciate that!

          I know what you mean about the old posts. Or anything written in the past. I have hand written journals as well.

          I’ve gone back and have seen regression in myself as well as stagnation too. That is important too, but it can be a punch to the gut depending on what it’s about.

          Liked by 1 person

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