The man raps on my bedroom door.
Struggles with a door that sticks.
The door opens and I see a figure, a shadow of the man I used to know.
Bent and small.
Resentful, irritated and annoyed I twist my neck to look at him
He holds a flannel sheet we used as a table cloth to cover a small table for the yard sale
Almost 13 years and he still needs to ask where things go
I hate this about him, about us.
It’s a tell. We never really lived together. Not in the real sense of togetherness.
I feel the resentment most in such scenarios. All those years gone. Never to get back.
After the encounter I fell regret, guilt and shame. And somewhat lonely.
I stayed out of need.
And got comfortable.
Way too comfortable.
Wasted much time and clung to a parent, possibly an uncle or maybe an older sibling I never had.
He’s so small now, like he’s been swallowed up.
I feel like a monster, so angry and ruining his life as much as my own.
I mourn for both of us.
Because we both could’ve done better and those opportunities are long gone. The full faced dude, from 20 years ago is but a stranger. That guy is gone. What’s left is an old man who still works like he’s 30. No rest and no time.
I hang on like a parasite, wanting to do something but not clear on what to do. I want to change…everything.