Mr. B did something yesterday that I got angry about. It wasn’t resolved yesterday for a few different reasons and I wanted to talk about it this morning. So I approached him calmly and let him know I needed to talk about something that was bothering me.
He was receptive. He heard me. He was even remorseful. Then he apologized.
Afterward, I felt the resolution immediately. A feeling of relief washed over me.
I’m not hanging on to it as if trying to make it not happen. I’m not ruminating in anger about how much of a jerk he is. I’ve done that in the past about various things and various people.
Two reasons: 1). Lack of resolution and 2). Wanting that other person to change their behavior from here on out. Especially if the person isn’t understanding or empathetic about where I’m coming from.
If I felt the need to resolve such a thing in this way with a family member, before doing so, having the intention, I would be sweating, shaking, afraid of the reaction of whichever family member I felt the need to resolve things with. The resolution in this case was that I wanted and needed an apology.
Most likely, my sister would have pulled something out from history and attacked me for it, pointing a finger and screaming about how, “You did… and another thing, you are….”
My brother would minimize and talk about how my worrying and holding onto things would eventually give me an ulcer or cancer.
My mom would say something like, sounding closer to a whine, “Can’t we just have a light conversation without you having to resolve some issue. Why can’t you just call me and say, “How are you mom?” (As if that never fuckin’ happened?)
They think that resolution isn’t important. I won’t ever change that line of thinking in them nor the behaviors that demonstrate that fact. And my feeling won’t change, that resolution is important in some situations. It’s also important to give it when I screw up as well.
Sometimes instead of working so hard at trying to change others, you just have to remove yourself from the equation.
I am feeling grateful to and for Mr. B. ❤